Woke up feeling like P Diddy.

So today was nice and I decided that I'd take a break from my abusive regime of masturbation to go skateboarding. The crew was the usual suspects with the added excitement of Sheffield local and Fabric rider, Shaun Curry.

So the whole Fabric team is up this weekend so they can all become best friends and that. We took Shaun to Pilgrim Roof and told him he couldn't be in our gang until he did a NBD down it, got to keep it underwraps but Fabric's next edit will be pretty rad.

Whenever I go away I forget how good Jamie is, he dropped a pretty sick banger second go down Pilgrim 8.

Wizzley turned 16 last week and feels he's out grown the nickname Little Will, from now on he wants to be referred to with a man's name so next time you see him, only refer to him as Bill.

Bill got pretty tired because he's been staying up dead late listening to Ke$ha whilst fingerbanging girls at parties so he had a quick powernap.

This spot is fucking rad, one of the tricks which went down made my body give myself a vasectomy it was so sick. Stitt also did a classic front 360 Stitt and completely burst himself, luckily his face was alright cos he's making loot of being a male model. Apparently the borderline retarded look is hot this summer.

Racial equality guys, think.....

Josh is big time now, he's filming in HD and shit. Obviously with the big bucks comes the bitches. He pointed out a few prime spots he likes to tash on with lasses when he's out filming.

After sitting in smack needles and used womens underwear we decided to skate somewhere else.

On the way to Gap to Bench, Bill spied a group of lasses he'd finger banged the night before, now he's a big boy he's all about tashing on with as many lasses as possible.

Jamie and Shaun had put down some pretty sick hammers and have a weekend of skating to get done so decided to retire from the shred. Expect hammers this weekend.

Nothing can stop Bill from shredding, k grind up some real street.

Johnny arrived in time to photograph the shred to a higher standard than my spastic like attempts. Safe to assume anything that is well taken is by Johnny.

Bish is the ultimate wingman, he was shooting preview photos so Bill doesn't even need to worry about working which girl to fingerbang when he's on the lash. He prefers a mature woman because like a fine wine they've been well seasoned.

Freshly released into the single life, Hopper has been hitting it hard and has the gun show locked and loaded.

Someone order a Blind Johnny Sexagram, nothing says "I love you" like a furry photographer on your doorstep.

We then went to the lesser skated Harry Bastard banks. Stitt dropped some pretty sick hammers, Josh was pretty impressed....

He was less than impressed with the state of Stitt's hat.
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Photo: Johnny Haynes

"Busenitz does no shirt lines, you should do that."

One of the things which makes the Newcastle scene so unique is how professional everyone is. Not just in skateboarding, whatever they do, they're killing it. Stitt being the next Kate Moss was ready to drop some impromptu modeling down so we could all learn how to really get that sexy smoldering look.

I was not present for this wallride so I don't have any smart arse remarks but it's pretty ludicrous.

Also you should all check out Blind Johnny's photos here because he's killing it.