A Tale Of Mythical Proportions...

Posts are few and far between lately, so since finding this footage on an old external, I was prompted to post something substantial!

Okay, so over two years ago now was the first time a few of us went out to Barcelona to skate.
Among the crew was Matt Smith, James Rooney, David Hopper, Johnny Orr, the fabled Chutney V2 and, since the last night of the trip, the legendary Bear.

It is the last man in this lineup who will take center stage for this tale which I like to call "the funniest night of my life", which 90% of you undoubtedly already know.

So, we'd spent a week skating, being tourists and quite literally fighting one another until the last night came, which caused a reason for celebration. We all decided to start the night skating at MACBA, apart from Horkan AKA 'The Bear', who decided he was too tired. The session went off, until about 1, when we decided to go back to the hostel to get mighty drunk with some American girls.

As we walked in, we looked outside to the terrace to see our friend Horkan, sitting at a table crowded with Italian guys who were all singing the national anthem. Horkan was beyond drunk, and if I remember rightly had indulged in some of his favourite dried plant. He sat slumped in his seat, looking slightly vacant. Fair play, we shortly did the same. For a few hours we sat outside with the Americans drinking and whatever else, whilst Horkan continued his party on the terrace. After a few hours we headed back inside, to see Horkan pacing the room, wide eyed and wild looking. He said he was ready for bed, but made no move to go.

A few of us headed up to the room to continue drinking . After about half an hour, the door opens and Horkan stands in the door frame, and it is apparent that he has already began his transformation. His mouth gaped wide, his eyes darting wildly in their sockets. He shuffled into the light of the room, and we could see that his T-shirt was soaked through with sweat. "I don't feel right me like" he said, as he began to remove his clothes until he was down to his boxers. The three of us in the room are already struggling for air through an immense barrage of laughter.

Horkan still paces the room, and is literally glazed in sweat, the guy is reflecting light. "Ah what the fuck is happening" he keeps on saying, he can't stand still, like he's trying to outrun some sort of phantom which is inflicting all this on him. We tell him; "You're just drunk man, get yourself to sleep-" "Nah, I'm not fucking drunk, it's worse than that!" he slurred back at us. He climbs up the ladder to his bunk, and lies down, as soon as the skin of his back touches the matress, he bolts upright and bellows; "I CANNAE EVEN LIE DOWN MAAAAAN!", he makes a dive for the window, and hangs his head out. Sweat is just falling off him, I've never seen anything like it, and haven't since. By this point all three of us have nearly suffocated from the hilarity of it all. Matt Smith, who was Dad of the tour entered the room, which prompted the first scene of the video below, and by god I wish I'd filmed the whole night, but I was in no state to do so. PAUSE THE VIDEO AFTER THE FIRST PART!

Horkan demanded an ambulance, again and again. Until he brought out the best quote ever; "GET ME A MOTHER FUCKING AMBULANCE NOW!", as though he was John McClane or some shit. Everyone was crying laughing. He got in the shower, until Hopper had the idea of pretending an ambulance arrived for him. He shouted through the bathroom in a spanish accent, and out came Horkan; "Thank you sooooo much, thank you, David", he proceeded to walk down the corridor naked, though he may have had a towel. He got to the stairs and realized there was blatantly no ambulance, walked back in and unleashed some vomit a shade of green that was radioactive, to say the least. He got back in the shower, and commenced his session for total of 4 hours.

The next day, we all went into the city, yet again Horkan remained at the hostel. Everyone bought some T-shirts and stuff, and we went into a supermarket at one point to get some water. Hopper spotted in the fridge some Salmon, and as Horkan had been given the name "The Bear" on this trip, due to his hairiness and passion for hibernating, it only seemed right to purchase him it for a present. On the way back to the hostel, Chutney V2 had walked off ahead, and ran back, claiming that Horkan was fast asleep in the lobby. We walked in, which prompts the second scene of the video.

I hope this story and video was anywhere near as entertaining as it was in real life.